Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Younger Me, Meet 2010

It's funny when you look back at times you were younger and made questionable relationship decisions, isn't it?

A friend recently emailed a link to music by a guy I casually dated (read: slept with) a lifetime or two ago. I laughed thinking about the times with the friend who had sent the email. Chasing boys, being young and heartbroken. Concurrently silly and tragic.

So what did I do next? What all modern women do - I Googled him. I mean, you gotta know these things right? And found his Twitter account. Only to decide I didn't know if we would get along these days.

Actually, I should rephrase. First thought, "Wow, you're kind of a dick aren't you?"

Maybe it's time that's made him a judgmental asshat. Or the bounds of written words that make him seem pretentious. Or maybe, just maybe, I was a shitty judge of character at 18 years old and he's been this way all along.

It appears he's got a very driven sugar mama and a simple, yet culturally elitist lifestyle today. Pretty sure that was always in him.

My friend and I? We were the wild children that made him feel alive, dirty, a little dangerous. He was older, in his late 20's/early 30's. Hanging out with us made him feel something more primal. Lust and sex, hunger from girls just learning their power. We were burning energy that would not last forever. And he wanted to feel it's warmth. Wanted to stand close to that core.

We used each other. Very, very well. It ended the way a good fluff, long distance relationship should. It lost it's appeal. I was done pretending his half assed offerings were good enough. The last time we talked he apologized for something-or-another out of a drunken bar scene and I hung up.

I loved that period of time. For what I shared with my best girlfriend, for what we figured out about ourselves. For learning our powers and limits.

But the dudes? What was I thinking??

Your turn: What past relationships do you question, and why?

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